Watching my words… January 15, 2008

Me and my big mouth…

I can’t tell you the last time I ended a conversation with a member of the human race and didn’t have remorse for something I said. I don’t know if it stems from something in my childhood (maybe I was told I talk too much?) or maybe my adulthood (was I publicly humiliated in college speech class?) or something else. For whatever reason, I second-guess nearly everything I say. This leads to a lot of self-depreciating talk and wonder of how things I say are taken. I frequently find myself tracking someone down to whom I have just spoken to apologize for being, well, me. At this point I have probably taken back more statements than I’ve actually made.

One thing that may have contributed to my current neurosis is my need to be understood;  really, my need to make sure I’m not misunderstood. There’s a difference! I don’t consider myself a very needy person-I have my days, I’m sure, but on the whole, I don’t like to be “fussed” with. I’d rather dote on someone else than be the target of such affection. I guess I lump being “understood” in the category of being doted on (gee, honey, I guess those tapes you play at night must be working! ). I just don’t want someone to misunderstand me or what I’ve said and be offended. Is that prideful? You know, I have never thought about it, but maybe it is. I’ll have to ponder that and write another post about what I conclude.

Anyway, this thought is fresh in my mind as I am thinking about how easy it is to offend someone. And how even harder it seems to undo an offense. I recently wrote a playful (I thought at the time) quip about a friend of mine (who I see as like a big brother) that uses rather elevated vocabulary in seemly mundane circumstances (much like I just did). Well, it always makes me laugh when I hear him talk this way (like an educated person?) and so I did a sort of mock- dialog between him and someone else and sent it off with lots of “smileys” and “haha”’s to the Facebook netherworld. Well, for days I heard nothing from anyone who may have seen or read my comments. I was beginning to think I had seriously stepped on some toes, and by the time I saw said-person about four days later I was convinced he had been deeply, irreversibly, wounded at the careless words I had uttered. Well, he and his wife both assured me that they weren’t offended and no feelings had been permanently damaged. I still felt the need to apologized profusely. :0)

I know God has worked on me in the area of my tongue. I used to struggle with gossip as a young adult, thinking that because something was true I had a right to tell others. Even under the guise of concern I would share information. Because God revealed to me this incredibly deceptive way of thinking and has grown me through it, I am extra sensitive to it now. It makes my heart just break to hear of or know of gossip being spread. I have learned in the hardest of ways that what I say sometimes just cannot be smoothed over. I have misaligned and misinformed too many people to mention-sometimes unintentionally and sometimes with complete intent and hardness of heart. I have asked and received forgiveness to those whom I am able, and pray that God will repair the hearts of those to whom I am unable. “Hind sight is always 20/20″, and had I to do again, I’d like to think I’d choose the admirable, honorable thing and keep what information I have been given to myself.

I think women rather than men struggle more so with controlling their tongue. We tend to attach our emotions to issues with super-glue and when these issues come up in conversation, there dangle our emotions-clinging to our every word- and very frequently distorting the true issues. I know I tend to add a little more “story” to my “telling” when I recount things (with no intent to deceive), but God is even addressing that in me. It is my true desire to be a woman of godly-character. As I age, I see controlling my tongue as one of the things that fill the chasm between where I was and where I want to be. It is a discipline that is necessary to be a godly woman. I simply cannot be careless with my words and expect my character and witness not to be affected.

It is hard to do- exorting our husbands and family with our words, respecting our elders and God-given authority in front of our children by how we speak of them, honoring others even when they aren’t there to hear it- but it is worth it! I will pray for you, my readers, if you will pray for me, as we seek to walk upright before a perfect, Holy God.

And if any of you catch me gossiping, slap me! Nicely, in love, though..:0)

Noodles, noodles everywhere… December 30, 2007

Don’t you just love when you’re eating dinner with your family, laughing and having a great time, enjoying every one of your children for all that God made them to be? I was having just such an evening tonight, looking around my table, taking each little bit of them in as I gaze and think…

“My eldest:  smart, handsome, funny, clever, huggable- such a joy. My next oldest:  the one with all the silly nicknames, the ‘class clown’, so talented, loving, gentle- a darling. Next in line, the former baby of the family:  a chatterbox, charming, giggly, so snuggly, loyal-just adorable. Finally, the baby of our group:  the last of our progeny, our petite flower, a mimic,a little mommy, she’s just so cute…”

My thoughts are quickly interrupted as I notice something in her nose. Could be standard cold-season goodies, but it’s somehow different…there’s something familiar, something pasty, something also on my plate- it’s a NOODLE bobbing in and out of her nose! With every breath she takes it’s peeking, hiding, peeking, hiding. It’s truly a creepy sight. I mean, I’ve seen noodles-in-noses on America’s Funniest home Videos, but, like all really bizarre things, it’s even more so in person.  As I sit for just a second and contemplate what to do next, what I feared most to happen, happens. She snorts that noodle right up her nose! Not a delicate little sniff. A full-on snort. So much so, that she gets a tickle in her nose and her eyes start to water. And who could blame her?! It’s probably the equivalent of an adult sticking a Fig Newton up there.  Anyway, I watch for a minute to see if the noodle will rear it’s ugly head (or tail?) again, and sure enough, a few seconds later the noodle reappears and taunts me as I unsuccessfully grab at it. It becomes evident that this will be a two hand, maybe two person job…

I call for DH’s help and he and I book-it upstairs to try and prep for our little ones’ sinus surgery. First I try an ear canal cleaner-it only chops the noodle. Next I try rounded tweezers, only to achieve the same result (I guess al dente preparation may be easier to grab?). It’s really beginning to bother me that I’m seemingly so close to, but not actually, removing the thing.  This noodle was mocking my efforts, and it was time to get down to business.  So I sit her up (she had been lying on a towel with her head resting on the side of the sink) to figure out my next move, when out drops the noodle! Not completely, but enough to grab and yank. A few tugs and swipes later, her nose is clean and the whole episode is over, just like that.

So that was our little after-dinner adventure. Think of me and mine the next time you and yours are sitting together, laughing, eating.  At every opportunity enjoy those little children God has given us, just check their noses before they leave the dinner table…:0)

May you all have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Facebook-without a face December 21, 2007

Yes, I have recently delved into the world of Facebook. I know nothing about this strange land other than my husband is also there, so I’d like to be close by. :0) Apparently the idea is to have a kind of revolving door of information and pictures about yourself (or anything, really) available to your “friends” at anytime. So far, because I’m about as photogenic as an elephant seal, my Facebook profile has a gigantic question mark where my picture of choice should be. I’m thinkin’ I just might leave it that way. It’s so mysterious! A big question mark-what does that mean?? Who is this person?? What is she like?! Hmmm. It could mean lots of things.

For now it means I don’t know how to attach a photo to Facebook. Mystery solved.

I

Anger and Accomplishment December 13, 2007

OH, the weather outside is gusty

But here, it’s so, so dusty!

There’s kitchen-stuff in every room,

Where’s the broom? WHERE’S the broom? WHERE’S THE BROOM?!

Just a little Christmas carol for my friends able to decorate right now! I’m longing to be in the Christmas spirit, and I can usually jump right in when I get out my garland and tinsel. Honestly, there’s no room for anything else in my downstairs living area! We were able to move the kitchen table back into the kitchen last night, and use it when we ate dinner. It was lovely! It was so nice to have somewhere to sit again and enjoy foods that did not spend most of their existence in a wrapper. No, those four pounds of McDonald’s and Wendy’s (and eggnog-shhh) I’ve gained are not going to look good in my Christmas sweater.

The kitchen redo is moving along nicely. I think we only have one more day of clean up and touch up, and we are done! It’s took a little longer and cost a little more, but at the end of the day, I think we all would agree it looks great and is more durable than the materials we had before. I’m ready change ‘kitchen redo’ to ‘kitchen redone‘. :0)

Of course, almost no married couple can experience something as financially draining and cosmetically altering without some kind of altercation. We had our share of ‘discussions’ (we really don’t ever fight, do we honey? Honey?!) and they are usually talked out with little increase in decibel or throwing of any good china. I have to share this story, though, only because it has a good ending.

We had granite counter tops put in and apparently the matching of pieces that is to be done during fabrication didn’t get done properly, resulting in about a one centimeter swell at the seam intersection. I didn’t even notice it until my DH (dear husband) mentioned it. However, the granite guy, David, noticed it right away and said they would send someone out to fix it. Those persons came yesterday and did a great job (in my opinion) considering they were cutting granite on site! Well, my DH, who has been gifted with a strong attention to detail (unlike myself) seemed rather displeased with the end product and, again, in my opinion, just went on and on about it. I “suggested” that if he wanted it done again, he would be the one to call them, not me. He finally conceded that it looked 99% better. I asked if the other 1% was enough to complain about everyday for the rest of the time we lived in the house (rude, I know). He said he would think about it. I still haven’t heard back…

Grrrr. I was pretty ticked at this point. So I immediately went upstairs and start throwing stuff away. No, not his stuff :0) , just stuff that bothers me most of the time but not enough to do anything about until I’m bothered by something else and then it drives me nuts. The next thing I know, I have moved on and folded a load and a half of laundry and am putting away toys without even knowing it!

And this is the good ending: As it turns out, I think a low level of frustration may make my life go more smoothly! I will be much more productive if I have something (like a dumb conversation) to keep the rambling part of my head busy! If I could just get mad everyday around 9:00am, it should be worn off (I tend to think things out of existence) by the time DH comes up from work, and then we can all be happy again and the house will be clean! I’m not sure how this will effect my kids yet, but I’m willing to give it a go. I’m sure that it won’t take too long to get my house in order (haha) so maybe only a week of anger? I can accomplish great things in a relatively short amount of time (unlike on this blog- ramble, ramble) and probably honor my DH-by having the house in order!

We’ll see… It’s almost noon and I’m not upset at anything yet. Wait, I’m on hold trying to talk to someone, so this may do it… :0)

Have a pleasant, and productive day, everyone!

Pandora’s Box? December 2, 2007

If you’ve been following this blog you will know that we are about four days into a two-week kitchen redo. So far, so good, in general, but as my husband mentioned (warned) early on, this project may open Pandora’s Box. Case in point:

Just today we were at Home Depot, then Lowe’s, then Home Depot again to pick out a vanity for our downstairs bathroom. This bathroom is right off the kitchen and shared the same floor as the kitchen, so when the kitchen flooring went, so did the bathroom flooring. This was agreed upon before. No problem. The vanity was not, however, discussed at any substantial length, so it came as somewhat of a surprise (not like a birthday surprise, like a tooth-cavity surprise) to my dear husband, K.

Now my husband doesn’t verbally complain much at all (to me). He does, however, show his feelings in his posture. You know how sometimes a person’s countenance changes when he is downtrodden or hopeless? My poor spouse, while literally pacing between ‘Kitchen’s’ and ‘Bath’s’ at Lowe’s, was actually shrinking in stature. It starts with a slow kind of feet-dragging slide. It then moves to a head looking at the ceiling, shoulders down, feet still dragging “this is torture?!” kind of look. By the time we took our 5-minutes-after-we-walked-past-the-bathroom potty break (we had two kids with us), he was slumped over the gigantic carpet rolls, head between his hands.

I felt awful for doing this to him. I would have just made the decision and grabbed something if I didn’t care what he thought. I tend to second guess my decisions when they involve others, so I really wanted him to be involved on the front end to avoid buyer’s remorse later (someone to share the blame with, I guess!). Instead, I think I added to his stress level by giving him so many options and telling him more than he really cared to know. While he did ask questions and considered different angles, it came down to this conversation while in Lowe’s (my paraphrase):

K: Which one do you like the best?

Me: Well, I like the drawers on this one but I’m not sure about the bottom kick plate. Do you think it looks too cheap? Is this wood going to clash with the granite (temporarily forgetting that he hasn’t seen the actual granite being installed)? I like this one because of the fake drawer that’s actually a sink base but I’m not sure about the quality of the drawer on the bottom. Should we just get white, or wood?…”

K: Which one do you like the best?

Me: Ummm, the first one I showed you-the one at Home Depot??

K: Great. Let’s go get it.

See? It could have been simple. Just make a decision! It was simple for me to find a new dishwasher I wanted (today at Lowe’s). And the faucets we “need” to get? Not difficult to choose. And the special-order low-profile slide-in gas stove that will provide a great view of the new backsplash? Easy to order. Let’s don’t forget that ratty carpet and abused walls…

See how easy it is to lose control?! None of these things in themselves are wrong, which adds to the difficulty.

The interesting thing about all these decisions is that, although I am thinking about what still needs to be done, I am not dreaming about this kitchen! It has stayed in it’s rightful place in my heart as a physical space with tools for me and my family to honor and serve each other, not a thing to idolize (see previous post). And, you know, I could really serve my family well with a quiet dishwasher and a new special-order slide-in gas stove…

Idols November 30, 2007

Well, our kitchen floor is officially without waterproof material on it. Before me lay the bones of my kitchen, the sub-floor. My kitchen looks bigger but not quite as sturdy as I would have imagined. I know this is the first of many steps toward the installation of a new, easier to clean (but colder on the feet) flooring option (tile). It’s the very first baby step. My house is in disarray (not a huge jump from yesterday, but anyway…), and I’m not quite sure what to do. Take it day by day, I guess.

I had the pleasure of visiting at length with a dear friend yesterday and we were discussing home improvement, honoring our spouses wishes, staying within budget, etc. I was reminded of my last big home decision. It was before we purchased the home we are in now. Actually, right before.

My (devastatingly good-looking) husband and I learned that we were expecting our third child in January of 2003. At that time we lived in a 3/2.5 raised ranch and I became a little antsy to move before we welcomed our newest little one. The house we were in, the first one purchased by us as a couple, was totally adequate for what we needed-more than adequate-by anyone’s standard in any other part of the world but here, if you know what I mean. And while I wasn’t discontent, I was thinking we should strike while the iron was hot, before we had even more stuff to move. :0)

Anyway, we started to look for a house within our budget. Providentially, we were looking for a home when the mortgage rates where dropping like crazy and that allowed us more buying power. We found a house that we both liked in a neighborhood that we both liked for a price that neither one of us loved (we LOVE a bargain!) but could afford- according to the bank. They are always so generous when lending, aren’t they? So we signed a contract contingent on the sale of our house. No problem- no real commitment, yet.

We promptly listed our house (or may have already, I don’t remember which was first) and waited for a buyer. And waited. And waited some more. All the while there were visions of custom drapes and granite dancing in my head. For our new house, of course; the one we could afford if we only ate Top Ramen, but that I was convinced would be mine one day.

We were a little ambitious with the list-price of our home so we lowered it a little, hoping to spark some new interest. It did, and a few people dropped by here and there, just enough to give me hope that it was sell-able, but no offers. In my head I was already living in my new home, in my swim-tennis community, with my children playing nicely together in our new privacy-fenced back yard. My existing neighborhood had grown ugly and dismal to me, and my neighbors who I had always hoped to learn more about and spend time with (most weren’t believers, and I wanted to share my faith with them one day…) began to concern me. I didn’t want my kids to grow up near them, really. My compassion, mercy and love for people unlike myself was waining.

I was absolutely consumed with getting into that house. I would go to bed at night and dream in neutral wall colors and hardwood floors. I was pricing furniture to fit in all the extra rooms we would have. It was great, for awhile, and I was totally ignorant of what was really happening.

Around month three of having our house listed, I started to feel that we had acted too hastily in signing our contract on the new house. God was convicting me of raising that house up to an idol-like status. It took a couple of weeks to accept it, but my prayers slowly changed from “Let us sell our house, quick!” to “Please, don’t let us buy that house!”. It had clearly become an idol to me. I was thinking about that house all day long, everyday, and as soon as God revealed that to me fully, I wanted it as far away as possible.

I confessed to my husband that I was sorry if I had pressured him to sign that contract by being manipulative (which unfortunately, I can be-too easily) or pushy, and that I really felt we needed (I needed) to get out of that contract. Well, if you know my husband at all you know that he doesn’t just throw money around. The thought of backing out of a contract and losing earnest money was not an option (and I would not ask that of him). We would have to wait it out and pray that God would honor our (my) plea to not have the house I had wanted more than anything just a few months earlier.

God’s answer came a few weeks later when someone offered to buy “my dream home” with no contingency. We could finally get out of the contract with no penalty. Interestingly, that sale fell through and they called us back to see if we still wanted it. We gave them a polite “no-thanks” and smiled with gratefulness at God’s rescue mission. He had rescued me from myself. Again! He is a great Father, isn’t He!?

Less than three months later, we had sold our house, found another one for less money, more room, and a lovely blend of both believing and non-believing neighbors. God is Great!

I’m reminded of that whole scenario when I look at this kitchen re-do. I have to guard my heart against selfishness and greed. I think we women, especially, can struggle with a desire to continually “improve” our homes, not necessarily for functionality but for form. I read once that joy comes from contentment and contentment comes from gratefulness. Oh, how I need to remember this when my house is a wreck and my kids smell like feet! When I grumble, I’m not grateful.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a good steward with what God has given us by replacing broken things and keeping our homes in working order. If there is something affordable that will make your home run more efficiently or effectively and you’ve got the spousal go-ahead, knock yourself out! Let’s just remember to pray for wisdom and protection from elevating our earthly gifts to an unhealthy status.

Thanks for letting me share with you.

What’s a BlogRoll?! November 29, 2007

A quick thanks to all who responded to yesterday’s post, Me and Mine.  I have heeded your advice and made some changes to the blog and I hope I am now adequately anonymous.  I also changed the background.  The old one was so August, 2006!  A comment box for your thoughts?

OK, as we all know, I’m a blogging novice. I look around this posting page (which looks more like a small Word document page than what you see now) and am both curious and a little scared at what all these abbreviations mean. I think they’re abbreviations!?

I’m pretty comfortable with the standard Windows-looking stuff under “Visual”. Run-of-the-mill task bar goodies. No problemo, except I don’t know why they’re wondering if I want my fence broken (there are two little pictures of chain links and one is broken). Whatever. Moving on..

Ok, I hit the “Code” tag-thingy and it is quickly evident that I may need to have a few credits from an online degree program to understand why I need this stuff. Goodbye Code. Hello Visual!

One of the more curious things on this page is a “blogroll”.  What is a blogroll? Unless it’s like a California roll, an eggroll, or a cinnamon roll, I’m probably not interested.

On another note:

Tomorrow my floor gets ripped up and tile work begins. Please pray that over the next two weeks (probably closer to three) I don’t lose my mind, my husband, or my wallet.

Me and Mine November 28, 2007

Learning a little bit about me may be in order. Yeah, I think there’s a page on this blog-thing somewhere that I could fill out and you could just read my bio and be done with it, but this just may be more fun. Or not. We’ll see..

I’m a mom of four and a wife of one. We have a boy-8, a girl-6, a boy-4, and a girl-2. It is rarely completely quiet or completely clean. I home school the older two (2nd and 1st grades). Unfortunately Nick, Jr., Noggin, the Wiggles, and Mary Poppins (well, she’s not so bad!) school the other ones a lot of the time, but we are still working out the kinks. The children generally get along well. They share rooms by gender and like it- most of the time. Some of the time. Occasionally?! No, they are really good about it. It builds character to have to share a space-as far as they know.

We are very involved in a local church and just love it. The teaching is God-centered and straight out of the Bible. I love the curriculum used for the children-it’s totally God-focused, not man-focused, and to be honest, that is probably one of the largest differences in modern churches. My husband and I (and the children’s ministry at church) hope to instill in our children an accurate view of the one true God- the God of the Bible-the God that is totally able to make whatever he wants to happen, happen. Without our help! A God that doesn’t “need” us to do anything for Him or make Him feel loved, but will have us (despite our yucky sinful selves) because of what Jesus did on the cross. And it’s not because we want what God wants. He shows Himself to us. We pray that our children will know and trust Him fully one day and stand firm to a world that desperately needs God.

We live within 30 minutes of both sets of grandparents. We love this! Really! My kids could see their grandparents any day (if schedules would allow) and we love that they can learn from them. True, there are some lessons learned that have to be unlearned at home (and that can happen anywhere), but all in all, it’s a wonderful opportunity and blessing to have everyone so close!

I have a little brother who is a firefighter in our town but lives about 30 minutes away with his wife and two daughters. I’m proud to say that I can now set my house on fire and feel at ease knowing he’s just a 911 phone call away.

I have a sister who is married with kids in Philadelphia, PA. She is a high school math teacher and singer. They have three kids and love it up there. Her husband owns a business and his family lives up there so they will probably never move down here. Sad for me, but good for them.

My devastatingly good-looking husband is the youngest of two boys. He is an IT manager (no clue what that means) for a major food production company. He is also a very gifted musician. His brother is recently single again (but dating a sweet girl) and is currently in the home renovation business (a.k.a., the man in charge of destroying- I mean- remodeling my kitchen over the next two weeks). He does good work so I’m not worried. Really.

I have three hermit crabs. Well, my kids have three hermit crabs. Come to think of it, I don’t let my kids hold the crabs because I’m afraid the crabs will snap their fingertips right off. I don’t let them clean the crab cage because, well, it’s got lots of crab “stuff” in it and I don’t want it on the kids. And I rarely let them feed the crabs because I’m afraid they’ll make a big mess and waste the food (’cause, you know, $4 for a year of food is crazy!). Yeah, I guess I have three hermit crabs.

There’s not a whole lot more to tell. I have a van. Big whoop. We actually have two vans. Bigger whoop. Try not to die of jealousy.

OK, so I might have left out a few thoughts. I do tend to ramble (you have been warned!). The “About” page definitely would have been a shorter read, but, hey, any shorter entry and you wouldn’t have known about my vans.

..I know, your joy abounds because of all the new information you have gleaned from my post. Your head must be throbbing- you’re so smart now! Unless you already knew this stuff. Then there goes five minutes you’ll never get back. So sorry.

Well, as usual, I’m the last one here… November 28, 2007

For those of you who know me, you know I’m not, um, “burdened by time”. This is exemplified by the very fact that I’ve had this blog set up for over a year and am just now (15 months later) actually posting something.

Oh, I know, it seems everyone has a blog. No, my life isn’t so interesting that I feel I have to share it with the general populace. I don’t know that anyone will be stronger or wiser after reading what I have written (maybe quite the opposite), and yet I will write.

Finally.

The one thing I hope to offer anyone who intentionally or accidentally stumbles on this blog is a good laugh. Or maybe just a chuckle? Hopefully someday an outloud snort that makes your friends wonder what you’re reading, but for now, I’ll settle for a smile. We’ll build up to the snorting.

If you know me already, you know that I have a comment about almost everything. Sometimes it’s critical, sometimes constructive, and sometimes comical. Hopefully these brief encounters will be more the constructive and comical type and less the critical type. Time will tell, but it seems that putting print to my random thoughts may actually help me filter them. To be totally honest (which I hope to always be), a big fear of mine with a blog is to write something in haste and have to apologize for it later. I’m sure it will happen once or twice, but hopefully not too frequently. So far, so good on this one.

As it is now late (early, actually) and the “granite-guy” (as I affectionately call him) will be here in seven short hours, I bid thee farewell.

Next post: all about me and mine.

Hopefully in less than fifteen months…